Dead Christmas
It was a Saturday in December, a week before Christmas, when Benjie arrived from Mabalacat, Pampanga with his uncle Bert whom he accompanied in distributing relief goods to evacuation centers. He was strolling with his childhood friend Joseph who had not seen him for several weeks now.
“How’s Mabalacat?” asked Joseph with an insolent face. “And what have you been doing there wasting your time.”
Benjie felt Joseph had changed since his father went to work in Saudi Arabia uplifting their family to a better life.
“Well, it’s the same since that tragic day,” replied Benjie giving him a piece of candy brought from Aling Epang’s store in Mabalacat.
“You know what…” continued Benjie, “If you happen to go there, you’ll see the children running alongside the passing vehicles asking for money. Children and old alike standing under the heat of the sun, risking their health and lives to ask for a few centavos, holding a stick with a small bag stitched at the end.”
The perspiring faces scorched by the sun mixed with the dust of the lahar is still vividly pictured in Benjie’s mind. He opened the wrapper of the candy absentmindedly while the faces of the children cling in his memory when he noticed an old man clutching a small sack on his arm, wearing a worn-out shirt and patched-up pants with his body full of dirt from not washing for quite sometime coming in their direction.
Benjie gestured his head to the old man and told his friend, “That’s how I saw those people in Mabalacat but that old man is still lucky because he didn’t experience the cruelty of Mt. Pinatubo.”
As the old man approached and was about to extend his hand, Benjie was already holding the money from his pocket and gave it to the old man. He could see the lines of long suffering from the old man’s face mixed with courage and hope in surviving this cruel world. The old man just managed to nod but Benjie could decipher the silent utterance of gratitude on his white bearded lips. Benjie nodded in return and continued walking with his friend.
It was almost dusk when they passed-by the hospital near Joseph’s house. The cold December breeze began creeping in Benjie’s bones. He hates the cold weather. His lungs weren’t built strongly and he used to catch cold during these months. He still remembers how his mother used to let him wear several shirts when he was small and cuddle him in her loving arms. He was happy and was loved together with his younger brother until his father left them for another woman. As Benjie grew older, he was determined to strive hard in life to bring back the comfort and happiness for his mother and brother denied by his father. The silhouette of the trees barren of leaves infront of the hospital distracted the memory of his shaken life and it added to the coldness of the evening. It came into his mind the coldness in life—how people can sometimes be cold to one another’s feelings and needs. He had experienced the miseries of life and wanted to help more people in their needs but poor as he is, he just pray to God to extend His arms to the needy. He was still pondering on his thoughts when he was pulled back to reality.
“Benjie, let’s start home before suffer. My mom’s waiting for us!” interrupted Joseph.
After suffer and exchanging pleasantries with Joseph’s mother, Benjie started back to his uncle’s home several houses away. He is staying with his uncle and the family is looking after him through college. After washing and changing clothes, he turned on the TV scanned to the stations and couldn’t see anything worthwhile watching so he turned it off and jumped to bed. He was on the verge of falling to sleep when the doorbell rang jolting him back to life. He was annoyed and came out running to the gate to see who it was this late of the night when he was met with the jolly voices singing “Jingle Bells”. He peeped through the gate and his annoyance disappeared when he saw a group of children singing. He went back to his room and look for his twenty peso bill in his pocket and came rushing out when he heard the voice of his uncle’s maid shouting, “Christmas is still far, come back on that day!”
Benjie hushed the maid and said, “Let’s not be stingy this Christmas and let’s share what we can. This is only once a year.”
He opened the gate and saw the children who managed to get t-shirts with the printed slogan that says, “Give Hope to Everyone”. “Yes,” he thought to himself, “I will share something to give hope to everyone to be able to survive in this world.” Handling down the money and told them jokingly, “O, don’t forget to give me back my change, huh?” With smile on their faces, they chanted the usual “Thank You Song” during Christmas.
“Look at them,” Benjie said to the maid, “Do you see how happy they are? Suppose we didn’t give them anything and you were in their shoes, how would you feel? Won’t Christmas be dead to you?”
The maid went back to the house mumbling, “Sige, give them and they will be coming back like ants every night. Let’s see if you can stretch your money till Christmas day.”
Benjie just smiled and went back to his room. Lying in his bed, he couldn’t seem to go back to sleep, his family and how dead Christmas had been to him ever since his father left them. It was Christmas time when he left. Benjie will never forget that day. The sullen look on his mother’s face, tears flowing down her cheeks without uttering a word just sitting beside the small Christmas tree he and his little brother made from a dried branch spruced up with white paint. They waited for his father for the “Noche Buena” but he never showed his face again. Christmas had been dead for him since that lonely night. It took him several years to erase that painful night in his life but it still haunts him every now and then. He admired his mother in facing the situation courageously and supported them until his uncle offered to help her with Benjie’s schooling. Benjie promised himself to have courage and determination so he can give his mother and brother a better life denied by his father. He is on his fifth year in Engineering now and hope to get a job through his uncle Bert’s recommendation in a big company in Makati. He gets his daily allowance and an extra income from his uncle’s office as an apprentice. He hands the extra income to his mother every weekend. Benjie had been a miser. He has to in order to support his mother and brother. Benjie finally fell asleep with a tear in his eyes.
The alarm clock jolted Benjie from his bed again. He realized that he promised God that he’ll attend the dawn mass at the cathedral in town. He dressed quickly and was out walking into the cold early morning. He was shivering although he had put on a jacket. He saw several people walking in groups on their way to the church and he felt all alone in the world. He asked Joseph to go with him but his friend had so many excuses that he didn’t persist in accompanying him.
There was already a huge crowd when Benjie reached the church. He noticed the great change of today’s dawn mass celebration from way back. The solemnity of venerating the Lord had been gone especially among the young generation. Most people nowadays just go to early dawn masses in order to buy their favorite native delicacies that line up fronting the church. They couldn’t even wait for the mass to end and start getting those delicatessens though Benjie. The young ones just talking and walking in groups around the plaza fronting the church. People seemed to have lost their time in contemplating to the Creator. Funny but when disasters come people begin flocking to the church to pray for their safety thought Benjie with a sad smile. He managed to squeeze himself inside the church and prayed fervently.
After the mass, he noticed the old man seated beside the huge door with his extended arm holding a tin can with his hand. But this time, he was with a younger girl selling sampagita flowers arranged in garlands. The face of the girl was familiar Benjie thought. His mind went back to his elementary years and place the girl there. Yes. she’s one of the bright girls in their class. He couldn’t believe his eyes to see her in that condition.
"Aren’t you Susan?" Benjie approachingly asked. "Remember me? I’m one your classmates in elementary school. I was wondering where you took your high school after we graduated. I never saw you then." The girl look at Benjie intently for a while then suddenly replied with a big smile. "Oh, yes, you’re Benjie. I won’t forget you because you’re one of the top in our class. You were so popular among us girls at that time and used to copy our assignment from you, remember?" she giggles.
"What have you been doing these past years?" asked Benjie feeling embarrassed for asking thinking that the girl would be hurt to see her in that situation.
"Well, I’m trying to make an honest living to support my mother since my father died and grandfather here helps," she replied with a smile. "I barely made it through elementary and my mother couldn’t afford to send me to school anymore so I have to help for our daily subsistence." Looking down to her grandfather she introduced Benjie.
"Ive met him by the hospital yesterday," Benjie said and greeted the old man. "How are you, Lolo?" The old man still remembering that day smiled and nodded.
Susan and Benjie talked about their school days only to be stopped by people who bought garlands from the girl. They talked a lot of things about the happenings that have separated them through the years. The smiles and sudden sadness on their faces could be traced the many experiences they have gone through life. Benjie could have gone on and on with his conversation with Susan but he noticed the sudden glow of the rising sun reflecting on the clouds that another day is on the making. So he stopped short the conversation but assured the girl that he would see her again.
"Do you still live in the same house by the dike?" he asked the girl.
"Yes, that’s the only property that has been left to us by my father. It helps us a lot and imagine if we still have to rent a house. Although the house is small, we’re happy with it," replied Susan.
Benjie took two hundred pesos from his wallet and gave it to Susan who hesitated in taking it.
"Please…" Benjie said, "Get something for your mother on Christmas eve."
Susan took it hesitantly and said, "Thank you, Benjie. My family and I would be honored if you have time to join us on Christmas eve."
"I won’t promise you but I love to come," he answered. "It’s nice to see you again."
Benjie walked home with a happy feeling. The last thing he won’t do is count his blessings but the feeling was right there in his heart for he knew that he had helped another human being again. He passed by the big house owned by a doctor. Just before going to church, he still remembers the twinkling lights that engulfed the entire house. The owner usually opens the main door to show passersby their big Christmas tree with all its dainty trimmings and the lights going up their staircase. Probably he owns plenty of stocks with the electric company thought Benjie with an amusing smile. Benjie wondered if the people living there have really hearts of golds or as cold as the house looks when removed of the fancy lights. He kept wondering if the people who live there can stomach the poor in sharing their food with them. Benjie just smiled and walked on.
Benjie decided to go straight to his mother’s small hut and suddenly missed his mother and brother so much. He could see the shady trees on top of the hill now wherein the small hut stands walking as fast as his feet could carry him on the foot trail that leads to the hill. He thought his classmate who is proud of her simple life and the rich man’s house still cold behind those flickering lights. He suddenly forgave his father and thought that God has reasons in making his life the way he lives it. Benjie saw his mother sweeping the yard while his brother was attending to their chicken and goats. He was running now with tears in his eyes promising to himself that Christmas from now on will never be dead to him.
("Dead Christmas" is a Short Story by Sherwin S. Alar submitted to Mrs. Irene Maque, an English teacher at Tarlac National High School, 1993).
